When you crave having a baby but it just wont happen…..

 If you Google “infertility” you get 33.5 million results. According to statistics, in South Africa 1 in every 6 couples battle with infertility. I am the 1 in every 6, and this is my story.

15 Years ago I found out I was pregnant. I was 17 years old, single and scared as hell. It was such a big surprise to me because I was on the pill when my son was conceived. At first I did not know what to do or how to tell my parents. But I gathered up every ounce of courage and told them. Today I love my son so much, I feel so blessed that I have him in my life.

So when I got married almost 3 years ago, Jason and I assumed we would get pregnant with no worries. Turns out we where wrong. I had never even heard of secondary infertility until I was in the middle of it. Defined as “the inability to become pregnant, or to carry a pregnancy to term following the birth of one or more biological children”, secondary infertility brings its own particular brand of grief to a couple trying to conceive.

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Infertility of any kind is not easy. You feel cheated, isolated and like a complete failure. Not many people know about our problem. Other moms from school, friends, and even my cousins were having babies, and some even lapped me, getting pregnant a third time while we were still trying for no. 2.

Let me tell you that there are no words for how perfect, amazing and supportive Jason was through all of this.  I was so consumed by my own sadness at times that it was often hard for me to stop and think about how hard it was for him. After all, he wanted to be a dad just as much as I wanted to be a mom. Maybe even more. He is being stripped of the privilege to have a biological child. (Even though he loves my son like his own). But there he was, optimistic, and supportive through it all.  His love for me does not depend on my fertility.  And I am eternally grateful for him.

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We eventually consulted our doctor, who found that both hubby and I have an under active thyroid. This was such a shocker! I was doing research, and was so sure I had PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome) I did not even consider that it could be something else.  According to my doctor an under active thyroid messes with your hormones, and this could be a factor as to why we are not getting pregnant. So now we are both currently on medication that controls our thyroid. And apparently our results came back normal after a few months on medication.images

So here we are. I can honestly say, physically I feel better. My hormones are under control. And I have been regular for a few months now. My moods have improved, and I don’t get so tired anymore. But most importantly, we are not giving up hope. Because the longer you wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when you get it.

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